Coping with Cancer Changes Body, Mind & Spirit

29. April 2011 by pat desmond.

It was hard to hear the simple words, “It’s invasive ductile carcinoma.”

The hard part was it wouldn’t sink in.

The words gave me a headache. My mind fuzzed up and pain settled in the back of my neck.

But still the words didn’t really move through my brain and arrive at a place that made sense.

I was sure they (two radiologists, an anonymous pathologist and other medical people) were wrong. I didn’t feel sick. There was no lump to be felt. I stopped eating red meat a few years ago. I almost always buy organic foods.

Still that night I let my children know I was facing cancer and then I began doing research.

 I know people who are surviving cancer – some are women who have been handed a breast cancer diagnosis. I asked for help and was amazed at the generosity of those who have walked this path before me.

One month after my diagnosis, I underwent a bilateral mastectomy at Faulkner Hospital. It took me a month to put my life in order, to plan for my care after the hospital and make sure there was a plan to handle my work. My surgeon would have been ready to operate two weeks after the diagnosis.

Most of my friends wanted to analyze my decision to have both breasts removed.

I wasn’t open to altering my decision. I made the decision while I was reading the first book a friend gave me on breast cancer. The book made it clear radiation would not be needed after a mastectomy.

When I met my surgeon she explained that with family history, she could accept my decision. She did ask me to think it over, at least overnight.

Two days later I called the surgeon’s scheduler and we created a plan.

Did I mention I have an inordinate fear of pain?

The day of surgery I finally realized my life was changing forever.

My time at Faulkner Hospital was a blur, thanks to the drugs. But what I remember is waking up in recovery where my surgeon told me the lymph nodes were clear. I think she said something about more detailed pathology reports. I know I closed my eyes so she wouldn’t see I was crying.

I remember it didn’t hurt as much as I expected. I know I didn’t feel much right then. Just relief.

My stay at Faulkner Hospital was brief but, thanks to excellent medical staff, caring nurses and the fact that everyone gets a private room, my path to healing was as smooth as fresh washed sheets.

My children agreed to take turns staying with me for two weeks after the operation. I felt as if it was the first time I’d ever been helpless.

People have helped me in the past. So many times friends have come forward with gifts I didn’t expect or deserve.

This time the cards, the flowers, the food, the gifts and prayers were beyond my wildest dreams. I have yet to write the thank you notes.

For two weeks after the surgery there were four plastic drains coming from my chest to little plastic pouches. It hurt to look at them. Lymphatic  fluid and blood dripped from the drains into the containers.

While the drains were attached, I wore a special mastectomy garment designed by Peg Federoff of spririted-sisters.com.

I don’t know how people manage without the garment with the pockets on the inside.

I don’t know how people manage without the blankets of love.

It’s been more than two months since my surgery. I’m thinner than I used to be.

I’m also changing my way of life.

Conventional surgery was a success for me. But I realize now how many people around me have been touched by cancer.

I have my own medical oncologist now. He’s prescribed a drug – an estrogen blocker – that I will be taking for the next five years. I am very fortunate. There will be no chemotherapy or radiation – just this little white pill that I find comforting.

Still I know that there is a 1.5% chance my cancer will return.

I am doing what I can, eating organically, resting more, enjoying my family and friends, living each day to the fullest.

I try to find the blessing delivered by my cancer.  It certainly seemed like a wake-up call.

And now I can say I am truly awake, living in the moment.

 

 

 

 

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Rearranging My Life

6. April 2011 by pat desmond.

Life after cancer should be different from the way it was before.

I’ve been living a day at a time for several decades, trying to appreciate each experience as it happens.

But I still find myself moving through days automatically. Heading from one well known place to another, both online and in reality.

Life after cancer needs to be more mindful.

If I am sitting at my computer, typing and watching the birds, I need to be grateful for the opportunity.

I need to always think about why I have been lucky enough, or blessed enough, to survive my cancer.

Each day is a gift.

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Mary Jo Riley - Sportswoman Extraordinaire

27. March 2011 by pat desmond.

Once a year, Archbishop Williams High School inducts athletes into its Hall of Fame.

Mary Jo Riley, Class of ‘64, was one of those honored in the ceremony March 26 at the Lantana.

Mary Jo, who lives in Milton, was the only woman in the list of eight honored this year.

Another member of the Class of ‘64 was also honored. Donald May, a track star and National Honor Society member, moved to Alaska after graduate school. He returned to Massachusetts for the awards dinner.

Several dozen members of the Class of ‘64 were on hand to cheer for their two classmates.

She was a pioneer in women’s sports in the days before the government mandated equal spending on sports for female athletes. She was on the first women’s basketball team at AWH. She was co-captain in ‘63 and ‘64.

“During the 1964  season, Mary Jo led the AWH women’s basketball team to an impressive 10-3 record, placing second in the Girls’ Class A Catholic League and receiving a slot in the Girls’ Canton Invitational Tourney.

“According to her teammates, Mary Jo was the ston the strength on the court who kept the team focused while enjoying the love of the game,” the program said.

True to form, she mentioned every member of the team she played with as she accepted the award. She was also on the sailing team at AWH and at Maryville College of the Sacred Heart she continued sailing, serving as captain of the sailing team.

She earned her master’s in public administration from Suffolk University in 1976.

She continues to be a role model of sportspersonship and integrity.

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So Many Issues …

24. March 2011 by pat desmond.

Our paper doesn’t rely on Saturday delivery but we serve readers beyond the town limits and Saturday delivery matters to many of those out-of-towners. Like many business, we also rely on the mail to deliver our cash flow.

Are we looking at better ideas? We’d have to be crazy not to …

Anyway, the latest news from the PRC, as relayed by NNA director Tonda Rush, is that if Saturday mail is eliminated, the Postal Service should permit newspapers to use the mailbox for Saturday delivery. The PRC’s opinion on 5-day mail delivery, takes a skeptical look at many of the Postal Service’s assumptions about the impact of the proposed change. While it does not firmly recommend for or against 5-day mail, the PRC advises the Postal Service and Congress that USPS has over-estimated how much money it would save, under-estimated how much business it would lose and failed to sufficiently analyze the impact on rural, remote and non-contiguous areas (like Alaska and Hawaii) if Saturday delivery is eliminated. 

National Newspaper Association President Elizabeth K. Parker, co-publisher of Recorder Community Newspapers, Inc., Stirling, N.J., said the Commission’s analysis would enlighten lawmakers.

“We have said all along that ending Saturday mail would hurt mail-dependent rural areas and slow down other mail service at a very critical time in our economy,” Parker said.

“Apart from the impact on our newspapers — which would be substantial —taking this route to fix the Postal Service’s financial woes sets the nation’s universal mail service on a course fraught with danger for all postal customers. The Commissioners agree with us that more analysis is needed, and we appreciate the time and attention it gave to this serious concern.”

NNA Postal Committee Chairman Max Heath, who presented critical testimony to the PRC on the impact upon community newspapers, said the Commission had taken notice that forcing newspapers out of the mail could hurt local readers and also create a backlash effect against USPS by costing it more business.

“If we can’t get Saturday mail delivery and have to create our own delivery forces to reach our readers, we wind up pulling our mail out of a system that needs our business. If that happens, we create a new competitive delivery force, and that isn’t good for USPS. It isn’t great for newspapers either, in a high fuel-cost environment and at a time when our investment needs to be in covering the news in ever-changing products, not in creating new delivery teams. I’m pleased that the Commission took notice of our viewpoint,” he said. “

The best thing about the Commission’s opinion is the attention it gave to the importance of local newspapers in informing local communities.”

Heath also said that the Commission noted that newspapers are presently permitted to use the mailbox on rural routes for Sunday delivery and that he had recommended if Congress does eliminate Saturday mail, that exception should be extended to Saturdays. The Commission accepted his recommendation.

The opinion is not the final word on 5-day mail. Congress currently requires 6-day and rural delivery at the 1983 level. But that requirement is up for renewal each year with postal appropriations legislation.  USPS has said it intends to continue to push for repeal of the law so it can gain permission to set delivery levels on its own.

The USPS campaign for 5-day mail, however, will now have to respond to the Commission’s reservations about potential financial gain to the Service if Saturdays are eliminated.  The Commission’s findings included:   
  A difference in the net annual savings in eliminating Saturdays. USPS claims $3.1 billion. The Commission says the savings would be $1.7 billion;

The full savings would not be achieved until the third year after implementation;

USPS would lose $.6 billion in net revenue; USPS says it would be $.2 billion;

About 25 percent of First-Class and Priority Mail would be delayed by two days;

The Postal Service did not evaluate the impact on customers who reside or conduct business in rural, remote or non-contiguous areas.

National Newspaper Association, based in Falls Church, VA, and Columbia, MO, is a 125-year old association representing community newspapers.  Most its 2,200 members use the mail for distribution to readers.

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Back to Work Doesn’t Mean Full Time

14. March 2011 by pat desmond.

Last week I visited the office several times.

I changed the message on my phone. I wrote a batch of checks.

None of the work I did was fun - all of it was necessary.

Actually the weekend was more stressful - but it was joyful. I have so many people around me who are helping me cope with my recovery.

It will be months before I manage to thank everyone who is helping me.

I haven’t even asked about the special projects that were underway before my operation.

But now I need to look at how we are doing in preparing the new APP for smartphones and Ipads. And I need to check in on whether the advertising for the next year’s Milton telephone book is arriving on schedule.

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Good News It Would Seem

10. March 2011 by pat desmond.

My horoscope for today said, “Thursday, Even if your life seems to be unfolding as planned, you still aren’t sure that you should trust the good news. Although you don’t want to be hurt by what you discover now, you might overcompensate today by gathering all the information you can find. Unfortunately, you don’t need any more data; just make a choice and then take a few healthy steps in the direction you want to go.”

OK, the good news came from my medical oncologist. No chemo, no radiation.

My chances of a recurrence - if I do not take Arimidex, which prohibits estrogen production- is 3%. If I do take the pills, my chance for recurrence of my cancer drops to 1.5%.

Anyway my medical oncologist is getting a bit more information from my primary care doctor before deciding if he thinks I should try the pills. “Try the pills” is the important  phrase here.

He and I agree that quality of life is important.

Good news, I am not a candidate for tamoxifen or other pills with a list of lengthy possible side effects.

No I didn’t say there were no possible side effects of Arimidex.  There is a list but the worst item on the list is loss of bone density.  It’s up to the doctors to figure out my bone density issues. And they are the people who have the ability to assess my cancer risk.

I need to say I didn’t feel ill at all before my operation. But I believed the doctors, (especially after I got a second opinion.)

I haven’t felt totally well since the surgery. But the cancer is gone, my lymph nodes were cancer free.

Oh, ever since scheduling the surgery, I’ve been reading material on breast cancer.  Does that sound like overcompensating?

I keep the study time to a limited dose. It’s part of my own prescription for healing.

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Beginning to Work

5. March 2011 by pat desmond.

It’s not that I’m ready to go back to work… but the deadline for filing my corporate tax forms is March 15.

So I have managed to work through the maze of numbers and filed both my federal and state tax forms.

Filing taxes is not good for my health - but it is obviously necessary.

I haven’t done my personal taxes - but they aren’t due until April.

Tonight I am getting together with some friends, hoping the healing energy of friendship will wash away the negative energy caused by dealing with financial information.

It’s all about balance.

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Many Gifts

1. March 2011 by pat desmond.

A few hours ago I received a card from one of my high school classmates who pointed out a coincidence between the journey I have begun as I deal with cancer and a similar path he found himself on about five years ago.

The simple story he offered is one of hope. His wife is a survivor of breast cancer. And today, so am I.

These stories about people I know, their wives, their sisters, their friends, are gifts that help me heal.

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Nearly Pain-free

24. February 2011 by pat desmond.

My drug-induced haze disappeared today along with the residual pain of my operation.

The slow draining wounds are healing the way they are meant to heal and I am feeling empowered. The nurse practitioner took the plastic tubing away from my fragile chest and left me feeling practically well.

I meet with my surgeon next week to go over next steps but I’ve gotten through the clearing away stage.

My grandchildren giggle two rooms away while I listen to music to balance my chakras, hoping the darkness will disappear.

I still haven’t read last week’s issue of the Milton Times. I don’t know what the lead story is in the issue out today.

But I don’t hurt. And I’ve had a chance to be with people who matter to me. It’s been a good day.

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Better A Day At A Time

22. February 2011 by pat desmond.

My energy hasn’t been electric this week.

It’s been a week since my operation - each day I recover a bit more strength.

My visiting nurse was at my home today with a student shadow. The world is a small place. My nurse knows Ed Baker. She met him a few years ago while he was doing some of his philanthropic work.

The student shadow is from Curry College.

The three of us talked for a time about my degree of pain - which on a 1-10 schedule, I rate as three about a half hour before taking medication. (Truthfully, I expected a great deal of pain and much of the time I’ve been pain-free.)

Since I began telling people about my diagnosis and plans for treatment I’ve heard many stories from friends and acquaintenances about their own cancer stories. I don’t have enough energy to complete more than small pieces of my story.

But each day all that improves.

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